I'm 32 now. It was my birthday yesterday. I'd love to give myself sobriety as a gift, but I'm still drinking what I bought yesterday. It'll be gone soon. 32 + 1 day gift? Can I do it? I want to.

But, I also don't want to. I like drinking. I fully acknowledge that I'm chasing a drunk I can't find. I keep looking anyway. But I like it. I love drinking.

It's made me sick lately. I've never really been hungover. But I feel a little sick at the end of the day. And it's not especially fun anymore. The drinking, I mean. I like it. But it's not fun. It helps. I feel better. But it used to be fun.